Friday, September 15, 2006

What is important?

So post 9-11 a bit, there are lots of things going on in my life right now. I am working full time and work is very busy. I'm trying to get some new product off the ground for Far Flung Craft, trying to work on a book deal, spending time with the kids and Jeff and getting enough of that always elusive sleep.

Yesterday Kiera had a bit of an "asthma" attack. Not super bad, but her breath was labored and she had an elevated heart rate. We had been weaning her off her daily dose of medicine with the doctors advice, but ran out of one of her two puffers. So I ran to the doctor and got a refill. She spent the day on the couch pretty punky and a bit wheezy but while she is not 100% better today, she is much better. I spent a bit of time yesterday just loving her up and recognizing how very much these kids mean to me. I guess it is not a surprise the biology takes control and you become much more attentive to the kids when they are sick. You feel the need to care for them. but, my actions yesterday always come into play when I think of the normal day and how I interact with the kids.

I am blessed I work from home, but I still have to work normal work hours. I end up on the computer from around 7:30 until 6:30 or so everyday. Some of it is like now, posting on blogs/boards, but most is work. It is better than doing the same hours out of the office, but I still wonder... what is important? The family or the work?

I love my family-but you know I really do like my job. It is what I dreamed of my whole life. Living and working overseas. Practicing international law. Cool. I get to spend a couple of minutes of almost every hour with my daughter (excepting the few hours she is in preschool) and I got to share the same with my son before he started attending school full time. That is better than a lot of working moms get, I know, but am I selfish then when Jeff comes home to send the kids out with Nancy to play so that Jeff and I can eat dinner together and watch 35 minutes of TV before they come back in and go to bed? Sometimes I think so. Should I postpone that TV/dinner time until they go to bed at 8:30? Am I rambling? Do I make sense?

Anyway, in a post 9-11 world where gunmen kill students in Canada, where Singapore has disallowed the entry of 27 delegates to the IMF/World Bank seminar, where the US war on terror has created more of a mess than it has solved, what is important in my life? Should I continue to work my ass off to make those student loan payments or should I spend more time with the kids? Should I try to pay for Declan's tuition at the American School, or let him develop in Singapore schools (albeit more slowly). Nothing but rhetorical questions here. Nothing but random thoughts.

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